Thankful

It feels odd I haven't blogged in 5 days. I wasn't sure what I was going to even write about. I haven't been very productive. I did go for a run Sunday, in the drizzly rain, and ran the entire first mile in 10 minutes. Ran the whole time. Then I ran 2min walked 2 min. Its the first time I have ran that I felt like I needed to cool down, had to walk down the street and back. I wound up runnung 3.3 miles in 35 min. Now that I have a 5k mapped out in my neighborhood I can start working on my time. Setting a goal to be able to run it in 30 min by the end of the year. If I can just push myself to run the first mile and last mile, and keep it slow and steady, I should have enough endurance to finish strong. Here's to setting a new goal! I am excited to start working on this... need something to get me out of the house to run more. 1 or 2 times a week is NOT cutting it.
   We had Thanksgiving with my family on Sunday. LOTS of bad stuff... too many desserts. Luckily they are almost gone. My mom basically forced me to bring home lots of leftovers. I can't stand to hurt her feelings. And I have been trying to let the kids have a little here and there and my hubby has def helped get rid of a lot. Tomorrow we are deep frying a turkey early in the morning, its a tradition for my hubby and his buddy. They get up super early and hang out, and get them done so they can get back to their families before they are missed. My husbands friend that works offshore gets home today and has begged us to spend TG with them since we already had dinner with my family. He is Columbian and every time we visit him it is a huge family affair. His wife, mom and 2 sisters and all their kids are there and the women cook SOOOOO much food, and it is sooooo good. And they are just the most gracious people. A joy to be around despite a slight language barrier. It is hard to say no, eventhough my hubby is working today and Friday and Saturday. That is why we did dinner with the fam on Sunday, so he could just relax at home on his one day off. But we only get to see them ever couple of months and despite how much we offer, they dont let us bring anything or do anything so it will be very relaxing for us. So I have to make it through a second TG meal with tons of food, this time being stuff I dont get to have very often, so I have to be prepared to control myself ! My FAVORITE dish they make is a type of potatoe salad. They steam red potatoes and salt the skins. They make a dressing with mashed up avacados, a lil mayo, diced boiled eggs and salt and pepper. You put that on top of the potatoes.... O... M.... G.... I know it may sound a lil weird and I certainly didnt want to try it the first time I visited them but once I tried it, it became something we make regularly in our home and greatly anticipate when we go to theirs.
  I am still very stressed about all things financial and concerning my stepson being here for Christmas. Surprisingly I am not stress eating. That is what I have always done. I eat out of stress and boredom. Lately I guess I have been preoccupied looking for jobs and at couponing sites on the internet. Still not good but at least I am not sitting on my butt AND eating a bunch of junk. Hoping to get out and run today as it is pretty cold. Not sure why that makes me want to run, because I dont enjoy it so much when I get out there, but it does. My hubby is SUPPOSE to get off early today, which may or may not happen, and we have some things to get done so if I want to run I am going to have to hurry and go do it.
  So I will end with what I am thankful for. I am thankful God is in control of my life, no matter what. No matter how much I try to take the reigns he is still there and it is just so much easier to put it all in His very capable hands. And I am thankful I can do that. I am thnakful for my husband, my best friend, and the bond we still share after 10 years. My kids, who bring me joy (and strife) in their own unique ways. They each challenge me differently and light up a different part of my heart and soul. I am so glad that I get to be a part of their lives everyday and watch them grow and change, because I know what it is like to have a child that isnt part of your everyday life and how much you miss when they aren't. I am thankful for the health of my family, for the job my husband has, for the food on our table, and the love and warmth in our home. I am thankful for loosing 25 lbs, for my body that has allowed me to get that done, that is getting stronger and faster and is always ready for whatever challenge I decide to throw its way. I am thankful for all my blogging buddies that have pushed me, encouraged me, and kept me blogging as it is a way to be accountable. I hope everyone has a wonderful, thankful Thanksgiving. Can't wait to hear how yours went!

Wonderful Weigh In after a Depressing Day

Let me just be brief and say yesterday was one of those days... I am usually an optimistic happy go lucky kind of girl. I dont let things really get me down, I know God has a way of working things out for the good so... I tend to move on quickly. But right now things are a little stressful. Being tight on money, especially for long periods of time, can really make things tense. Now we aren't going without food, and I do have cable and internet and heat and all that. I am by no means deprived. But, this job at Toys R Us did not work out. It pays minimum wage and its 30 minutes away and its going to be crazy stressful. Part of me wants to take it just to have some income since it is just seasonal, but my husband keeps telling me it is not worth it. The kids are off for a week next week for Thanksgiving and then 2 weeks next month for Christmas. Having my mom come from an hour away to watch the kids all the time and not being home on weekends during the holidays and the gas I would spend just wouldnt be worth the little bit I'd be bringing home. So yesterday I sat and sulked all day. I feel so worthless. I KNOW as a mom I do alot for my family. But we are in a time of need right now and I can't help. Cant find a decent job to save my life. I feel like I have let my family down by not finishing college by now. By not having a career so I can help provide for them and thier futures. I want nothing more than to have something set aside for each of them (there is 4 of them) so they can go to college or have money to help them if they get scholarships or to help them get their first car or whatever comes up. Heck, we dont even have a savings account right now... in case something happens to us. I don't want extravagant things, I just dont want to struggle to provide. My daugter needs glasses. I have try to work with the nurse at school to see if we qualify for any state insurance or free programs and of course, we make too much money. Funny, huh. I barely held back the tears when I left her office. That made me feel even worse than I did about the stupid job thing. On top of all this.. my step son is suppose to come for Christmas and tickets are 1000-1200. We havent had any money to save for it and its right around the corner. We couldnt afford it last year either because it was so expensive and his mother wasnt helping to pay for it so we just couldnt do it. It crushes me to think another Christmas will go by without him here. He is 13 and we already dont get much time with him, but we dont have many years left before he is grown and out on his own. So that wasnt brief I know... but it feels good to blog and get it off my chest a little.
   Being as upset as I was yesterday I didnt eat very much. Not like me at all... I am usually stuffing my facing when I pout. I had tuna and celery for lunch after my 3 cups of coffe for breakfast then picked at some spagetti last night. Drank water all day. So today was suppose to be a  WIMP (weigh in measure photo) day, but all I can muster this morning is a weigh in report. 165!!! I lost 1.6 lbs since last week. (More actually because I gained a couple of pounds this weekend after eating bad) and I am again "the lowest I've been in years"!  25 pounds down since I started this summer. Marcelle, you were right, it feels soooo good to know that every week if I keep losing its going to be my lowest weight in years. I love that. AND, I am halfway through the 160s, not just hanging out on the corner but right there dancing in the middle of the street. I can't wait to be hanging out on the corner of 150 street. Hopefully by my bday I will be dancing in the middle of that street too.

   My little man James is an Indian in the 1st grade Thanksgiving play. My mom and dad are coming to watch and it is right after school starts so I need to get my house straightened up a bit as they are coming over afterwards and I did NOTHING yesterday. I will try to get some good pics (it is hard with the lighting in there) of my little Squanto...lol. I have to laugh because he is a redhead freckle faced lil angel. I can not wait to see my baby on stage. I know a mom isnt suppose to have favorites, and I wont say that he is mine, but he is the baby, and he lights up my world. When I am down I tell him I need one of his magic hugs because they always make mommy feel better. And its true. There are healing powers in that lil boys hugs and kisses.

This was taken a year ago this week

So last night I finally asked him to come hug me, I needed a Jamers hug. I picked him up and went to kiss him and he says WAIT... He proceeds to *SQUISH* my cheeks together. "Say Chubby Bunny!" I immediately start laughing histarically as my children have done this to me before and it is a funny site to see. He smiles big... "SAY IT MOMMY!!! SAY CHUBBY BUNNY!" I am trying hard with no success not to giggle as he squishes my cheeks together with his tiny lil hands. Finally I am able to smusch the words out of my squished up lips "Chubby Buuny!" "Ok, now say Bunny Chubby" giggling still i comply "Bunny Chubby" he's giggling now eyes dancing with amusement "Now lick your lips and smile!" And I do. And we both laugh uncontrollably. The weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders by a 6 year old. God works in wonderful ways.

{I know that whole bunny things sounds a bit ridiculous but try it, especially if you have kids. Mine think it is the funniest thing ever}
   Thanks for reading my blog... have a blessed weekend!

Running Cold, Bday Cake, 10% and Venison

So it is officially getting colder here. I know some of you live in MUCH colder places, and I know you may be thinking I have no room to whine about it being in the 40s. I get it, I spent 2 winters in Alaska and mocked many a family member for daring to complain about a Texas winter while I spent 30 minutes or more trying to bundle 3 toddlers to go to the grocery store in sub zero temps. But cold is cold... and while I love to run in a brisk 55-60 degrees... I found out yesterday my body does not like running in the cold. It doesnt help that i am nursing a sore throat and sinus drainage from H-E-double hockey sticks... but still, my body and my lungs locked up. I still managed to run 1.17 of the 1.49 miles, which tells me despite a week off from running and being under the weather, my endurance is definitely building and my mind over body power is getting stronger. Yay Me!! And I had to marvel that I ran almost a mile and a half in what it used to take me to speed walk just a mile. So I am making gains, athletically (??? is that right?) My goal is to be able to run a whole mile. I used to could (hello redneck Kristy). I really am thinking I need to figure out a way to get a membership to a gym, even just a lil cheapy one so I can go use the treadmill 3 or 4 times a week. I can do weights and videos at home but if I can't get out and run this weight will not come off and I wont realize my dream of finishing a triathlon. I am really hoping the new year will bring about some financial changes for us and I will be able to afford to take swimming lessons and somehow buy a bike so that I can do at least one race. I have an interview today at Toys R Us. Its just for seasonal help stocking after hours but at least it will be some extra income to help get us through Christmas. If you are a praying person, please say a little prayer that this works out. I have applied for various odd jobs and babysitting positions and havent heard a word back on any. I applied online at Toys R us and 2 hours later I got a call to come in the next day. So, fingers crossed, hoping this is meant to be. And a lil discount wouldnt hurt either ;)
   Yesterday I took my mom out to lunch for her birthday. I was good. As much as I love some cheesey Mexican food, I limited the chips and salsa and drank water and had chicken fajitas. I only ate one tortilla with a lil guac and pico and picked at the rest of the chicken. THen mom and i shared a piece of fresh creamy fluffy cheesecake. It was so good, sinful to say the least, so glad she wanted to share a piece. I only ate crust with the first few bites, last half left it because I knew it was loaded with butter. So glad I got out and at least ran a little. Last night I cooked and ate Venison for the first time. I was really nervous about the taste and if I was going to ruin it by cooking it wrong. I soaked it in buttermilk, then patted it dry and beat it thing like cutlets, battered it in soy flour and fried it in Olive oil and a lil butter. It was actually pretty good. And the kids liked it too. I am glad they were not as turned off to eating deer as I was. Just not something I grew up eating and I am not too keen on hunting anyway. When hubby said his buddy killed a deer on his hunting trip and was bringing home a hind quarter I was speechless. What on earth was I going to do with a deer leg? So I put my disecting skills from all my advanced Biology classes to good used and trimmed it up pretty good for my first time I thought. Got a nice tenderloin roast from between two muscles that hubbys friend told him most people miss because they just hack it up. The rest we cut into steaks and chunks for stew and chili. Hopefully going to make one or the other later this week or weekend. I am hoping everyone continues to enjoy it because it is so lean. Not sure we will ever have the opportunity to get anymore considering we dont hunt but we will enjoy the next 4 meals worth we have of it.
   So I am off to get my big guy some new shoes, and then do my grocery shopping. Trying to save money so bought a Sunday paper and clipped coupons so now I get to try to match sales ads with coupons with my list of things we need. Oy...
   I will just end with I thought BL was awesome last night, but I can't believe the tiff between Rebecca and Rudy... and I am so mad... tried to stay up to see her on Leno but fell asleep. From what they showed of her on BL she looks amazing. Every week I get re-inspired. I see those girls get thin and feel like a million bucks and I want that feeling back. I have noticed for a long time, people dont give me a second look. For a while it really bothered me. When I was thin and in shape before I always did my hair and make-up and dressed cute and people always noticed me. My friends always complimented me on how put together I looked despite have 3 toddlers and my husband deployed, doing everything on my own. When I started packing on weight I quit trying to look nice and started covering everything up. Yesterday is the first time in a long time I put on something pretty, put on a light coat of make-up and walked out the door feeling NICE. And my mom, who doesnt give compliments often, said I looked very pretty and I couldnt help but notice that people actually smiled at me when I walked by. The cute little knit capris I bought this summer are a Medium. They were on clearance so I bought them despite being a L to XL. I wouldnt wear them because they were tight in the waist and my oompa loompa thighs bulged out. Yesterday I put them on and it was almost a straight line down, just slightly curvy, and the waist was perfect. Those kinds of days motivate me too. I think to myself... "See how fun it is? See how good being healthy feels? See how good you look? Just imagine how will look if you keep this up... how awesome is that going to feel?" So on I trod... into my new lifestyle, fighting to make it last. I am at the point where I usually get stuck. I usually loose 10-15% of my bodyweight and that is where I plateau or basically wind up giving up. I weighed 155 lbs lost 15-20lbs and got stuck. Gained it all back plus another 35lbs. Iweighed in at 190 lbs this summer when I started. I have lost about 23 lbs so far. That is 12% and here I sit bouncing around again up and down a pound or two. Which I am ok with, but I have got to kick it up, buckled down and get this done. Not even for my goal date but just for me in general. If I dont start losing again I will get stuck here, which then means I will start gaining again eventually. That can't happen. I am ready to be done losing and start maintaining.

Weigh In & Last post till Monday...

I have such a big busy weekend ahead, starting tomorrow. FIRST THINGS FIRST... I weighed in this morning... I was going to start doing it Fridays BUT, I will be leaving early in the AM and wont be posting again till Monday, AND, the scale was super nice to me... 166.6!!! That is THE lowest I have weighed in over a year, probably closer to 2 or 3 years! Yay Me!!!
   This month marks 3 years since my hubby got out of the Army and we moved back to TX from Alaska. While in Alaska I had lost weight (15-20 lbs) by working out all the time and hiking all over the place...I looked pretty good, felt amazing. But as soon as we got back to the states I had to start working and working out took a back seat and my back seat started getting bigger. In roughly 3 years I put on 50 lbs! I tried to start losing last summer by training for my first 5k. I lost 4 lbs. I felt huge and fat at 176lbs. That was the heaviest I had been at that point (not pregnant) I was so frustrated at all my hard work and even those I lost a few % points of fat, I only lost 4 lbs. So 172lbs. I felt O.K... not great but getting more muscular and building up my endurance running. Then I started college. Went back after 10 years. SCARY... and I was team mom for Gavyhnn's football team and I was so flipping busy after I ran my 5k in Oct I basically quit working out all together. I kept gaining weight and getting bigger. Nothing fit and I got so depressed. No one realized how unhappy I was and everyone kept tellingme I looked fine, I carried it well. UGH**** Soooo frustrating... All I wanted was someone to say SHUT UP and do something about it. So I finally in the summer of this year switched from the little gym I went to to the YMCA so the kids could go. I would ride the bike or run while hubby took the kids swimming. Nothing consistant but I was trying. I finally hit 190 lbs. I say that and still cant believe I got that big. I am only 5'3". I started to get really worried about possible health issues I could have or develope due to being overweight.
   I decided to start going to the gym on a regular basis the day my step son flew back home. July 29th. A Thursday. 20 weeks exactly until my  30th birthday. Perfect. So here I am... 15 weeks later.. 3/4 of the way there to my intermediate goal. Somehow when I tracked it on a calendar it changed from 150 to 140 but with my injuries I am back to striving for 40lbs gone in 20 weeks. So I have 5 weeks from today to get to 150lbs. I am 166.6 today. I think I can do it. I am really excited. This week I have been lazy, I havent ran once and wont get to until Monday so I am recommitting myself to getting this done. I need to eat healthy this week, and reward my body for getting through injuries and soreness and fatness and tired ... and getting me back on my way to a healthy life. I have lost 23 lbs in 15 weeks. I am stoked, I need to step back and look at those awful pics from this summer and stay motivated. Look what I've done so far, the rest should be a breeze.
   Thank you to everyone who follows my blog and leaves comments... and kicks to the booty when I am lazy. I love coming to this space for support. I know I can read inspiring stories and maybe just maybe inspire someone else. I appreciate everyone out there and wish you all continued success. I am heading off tomorrow morning for what I hope will be a refreshing weekend to be refilled with the Wholy Spirit and to reconnect with a wonderful friend I havent seen in 5 years. Its going to be busy because both my boys have football tournaments but come hell or high water I am going to have a great weekend, enjoy my conference and my time with my friend (hopefully a nice dinner in the city) and then watch my boys kick some booty. Hopeing it will be just what I need to get me moving and keep me motivated next week to finish out this first leg of my journey strong. HAve a blessed weekend and see you all Monday!!!

I feel like I hit a jackpot!!!!

So I am being lazy today.... I still have not gotten out to run. I didnt run yesterday either, decided to do a little circuit and it kicked my booty in 20 short minutes. I can tell I am really lacking in the weightlifting department. Anyway, so I decided to really put in some time cleaning this disaster area of a home i have... so been slacking lately. So I was going through some of the kids videos and found a stack of 6 workout videos. They are burned copies my dad made for me about 5 years ago and they didnt work on my dvd player at the time. For some reason I kept them and they got shuffled into the kids videos. I popped my most favorite one, KILLER BUTT, into my dvd player and WA-LA... it worked. I popped them all in one by one and they all work. I now have Killer Butt (sooooo awesome, completely appropriate name) 10 minute total body target (5-10 min workouts targeting thighs, arms, buns, abs and power stretch) Belly Dance workout, Fast Flat Abs, Pilates, and Fitness Ball. I bought Jillian Micheals No More Trouble Zones last week ($10 at Walmart) and I will be buying 30 day Shred when hubby gets paid this week so that will be 8 different workout DVDs I can circulate through. I am so excited. If I can actually get my booty up to do them then the next 4 weeks should be fun and exciting and PRODUCTIVE!!! I am being a total slacker in every department lately. Not working out or running, not cleaning house or cooking like I should be as a stay at home mommy/wife, not doing my morning Bible study like I was, and NOT doing much of anything really. Someone come slap me and tell me to get off my rumpus before it goes back to the size it was before.

Going to try a TRI...

Another busy weekend came and went. Saturday we had a looooong drive to a SuperBowl game my older son's team got invited to. Then the looooong drive back home. Made Tuna noodle casserole, which I was not excited about but not much to cook so it was that or PB&Js...lol. Turned out decent. Not something I would want all the time but everyone ate it and liked it. Sunday Hubby took my lil girl with him to her first Nascar race in Dallas. He has taken both the boys before so it was her turn to go and she was soooo excited to get Daddy all to herself (besides the other 2 men going) for the day. Jimmy said she did sooo much better than the boys and other than talking their ears off and having to potty all the time she was a gem. Katie is a pistol, she is smart and sassy and sarcastic and strong headed. She has all of my and Jimmys strongest personality traits, all balled up under beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair and a silly smile. I didnt mean to go on about her, but well, I love her to pieces. And I so envy the relationship she has with her daddy. He is over the moon for her, and she for him. I didnt have that with my dad and it is such an awesome thing to see. She is the only girl  so of course this magnifies thier bond times a million. I just feel blessed when I witness my children and the self confidence they have because they live secure, happy lives and know they are loved. Not that I didnt KNOW my parents loved me, they did, they still do, but its another to be shown overflowing abundent love and affection. Love and encouragement and very powerful things, and so is the lack of it.
   I took my boys to the park to ride their bikes yesterday and I ran 2 miles. Ran the entire first loop which is 2/3 or .66miles. Walked 3 min because it took everything I had almost to go that far without stopping to walk. Then I ran about .5 miles, walked 3 min and finished the last .5 miles or so running. Two miles in 21:13. I am working on getting my pace up, not by running faster, but by running (a lil) slower and longer in between walking. So far it is working well, I have been able to push myself to run a lil farther each time. Yesterday I ran for 6.5 min before stopping! that is a long time for me. Pretty exciting. And the scale said 168.8 lbs this morning. See if I can keep it going down all week. I will be at a women's christian conference Friday and Saturday and then possibly tournement games for my boys Sunday so I have to try to workout everyday this week. I will see my friend that I havent seen in 5 years so I am very excited. Not happy she is going to see me so heavy, but that isnt whats important. It will be so good to talk and catch up.
   Michelle (Secrets of a former fat girl) has resparked my interest to do a Triathlon. I have wanted to do one since I started training for my first 5k last summer but I do not know how to swim. I could probably tread water long enough to save my life if I fell off a boat or something but by no means do I know any strokes or how to hold my breath or anything. I panic in open water with a life vest on so overcoming this is going to be a big challenge. But one I am up for. I started looking up Tris in the area and there is the Trek (all female) Tri in Austin May 16, 2009 and there is also an Ironman 70.3 Tri in April 2009. They have sprint legs that are the length of a regular triathlon. I dont know how people can do those ironman races or even half of one. But anyway... I am going to keep running for now and try to figure out A) how to get a bike and B) when I can start taking swimming lessons. I really want to sign up for one if not both. By then I SHOULD be at or very near my goal weight if not already maintaining. I should be trim and fit and ready to take on the world and either or both of these races will be an awesome way to keep me training and show myself how strong I am and how much I have accomplished. I am really excited but very nervous. Any tips for training are greatly appreciated. Once I get a plan set up I will post it but for now with no bike and no access to an indoor pool I will have to just continue running and get my 5k speed down, or at least work towards running the whole thing, and step it up with the strength training and stretching.
   So time to get up off my rumpus... I have my w.o. clothes on just procrastinatig... as usual. What to do today???
  

WOOOOOHOOOOOO Weigh In!!!!

Finally!!!! I weighed in at 169.6 lbs today!!!! I finally officially am in the 160s! It has been a long and eventful weekend/week since my last weigh in with Halloween, eating of mass amounts of candy, TOM cravings, eating more candy, and yesterday was my hubbys birthday and he stayed home from work so we could spend the day together. Hello cheesecake and pizza. I thought for sure my chances of weighing in under 170 were toast. I only worked out once. I bought Jillian Micheals No More Trouble Zones. While I dont LOVE it, man it kicked my butt, which I do love. I am still sore 2 days later. My thighs and buns are soooooo sore from all the squats and lunges, which I have done neither since I hurt my back. So it was good. Also bought this months Muscle and Fitness Hers, which has some really good 30 min workouts.
   I am seriously considering moving my WEIGH IN day or just doing away with it all together. It throws me off that it is on Thursday. It messes up my mind set for the weekend. And then I am stressed M-W trying to make up for it. I am either going to change it to Friday, that way if I slack over the weekend I have all week to work towards my WI, or just not have an official day. I weigh myself every morning and the fact of waiting for one "official day" for it to count is getting old. I am 6 weeks away from my birthday and goal day. And 29 pounds away. I think it would be helpful to just start kicking some butt, and actually celebrate whenever the loss shows up, not wait for Thursday. Anyway... I have sooooo much cleaning up to do around the house today but I am most definitely getting out for a run first... no matter what.
   Thanks for reading my blog... Have a wonderful day!